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Loathing

Have you ever loathed someone?
I have.
What if that person you loathed was yourself?
And I mean, really loathed. Like, wallow-in-self-pity-for-weeks-type-of-loathing. I’m talking wine coma every night for weeks, even months, skipping obligations, skipping the gym, skipping basic life functions. Skipping everything. 
I have done all of these things. I have really, really loathed myself.
I forgive myself for it, though. Or at least, I’m trying to. I’ve learned something recently:
Without forgiveness, we can’t receive love.
This realization made me understand that there was a reason I was increasingly harder to love as the weeks and months went on. Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that love — real love — is unconditional. But when you haven’t forgiven yourself completely, it’s hard to give or receive any kind of love, including the love that matters most... the kind from yourself. You’re too wrapped up in the loneliness of unforgiving self-loathing. I know this because it’s what I’…

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