Apologies
I originally wrote this post in the midst of a time when I was feeling guilty. Guilty for things I shouldn't have felt guilty for, but by the laws of genetics and basic human nature, if I do something I want to do for me, it undoubtedly eats at me. So now, this post is dedicated to all the people of the world (mainly my loved ones) who have felt like they needed to apologize... apologize for something you should've never in any way, shape, or form felt guilty about.
I think we all feel the need to apologize everyday. Maybe you didn't hold that door for someone behind you, maybe you had yourself one too many the night before, maybe you said something you really didn't wholeheartedly mean to someone who wholeheartedly didn't deserve it. I think it happens to the best of us. I think someone, something makes us feel unknowingly liable everyday; and that is what I am here to talk about.
I usually have some big revelation in which I write about (and, if you've kept up with my posts, you are clearly aware of this). I'm not sure if I would regard this as "some big revelation," but I suppose this is just a general post for the last few months of life. I've known a lot of people who've needed to apologize, and a lot who just haven't, for specific occurrences. And not just to me, oh lord no, this post has nothing to do with me. But to their friends, to their loved ones, to themselves, mostly. I'm here to say the ones feeling guilty, the ones who feel incredibly sorry for reasons they just flat out shouldn't, no one or not one thing can or should make you feel remorseful for the things you didn't know, the things you did (or didn't) do, or for the way you've acted in a time of complete and utter loss or urgency. This is probably like a "duh" statement, but believe me... I think some of us, including my loved ones, have forgotten.
To the ones who were owed an apology and never received it, to the ones who felt guilty, to the ones who felt like everything was their fault, to the ones who went against everything they knew and took the blame, this one, my beautiful friends, is for you.
I think genetically speaking, my family is really good at wanting to take the blame for everything... ever. In arguments or disagreements with others, it's a moral code we follow to always assume it is our fault, our job to say sorry. And yeah, that's coming from probably the most stubborn member of that family.
I think it's important to remember that apologizing for what you cannot, and more importantly, should not be sorry for is not bold. It is not admirable. It is not praiseworthy. It is setting yourself up for an entirely different battle in which you will need to apologize to yourself for: the battle in which you do not allow another person to do their basic human duty and take the blame for what they should have, and the battle in which you don't allow this person to learn to be a decent, functioning member of society. And this doesn't produce healthy relationships. This doesn't produce resolutions. This produces hypocrites, this produces complications, and this produces weakness.
I like to look at life as a bunch of out-of-hole-digging. You'll have ruts that you'll find yourself in, that you'll find yourself & your partner in, that you'll find yourself and everyone on the same city block as you in. But no matter the happiness, no matter the struggles, we're all just kind of digging together. There's just a lot of digging going on. Eventually, you'll work yourself out of your hole, rut, quarter-life crisis, what have you. And things are just plain & simply okay again.
And if you dug alone, if you were one of those people who constantly (or do constantly) apologize, know that some others really did dig with you. And I'm here to tell you I was one of them.
To those who were in pain, who just needed someone to notice, who never felt like quite enough, it is with great love that I tell you you're not alone, you're much better off, and time is your friend.
Happy Sunday, Happy Easter, Happy eating, and Happy moving-right-along.
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got." -R. Brault
I think we all feel the need to apologize everyday. Maybe you didn't hold that door for someone behind you, maybe you had yourself one too many the night before, maybe you said something you really didn't wholeheartedly mean to someone who wholeheartedly didn't deserve it. I think it happens to the best of us. I think someone, something makes us feel unknowingly liable everyday; and that is what I am here to talk about.
I usually have some big revelation in which I write about (and, if you've kept up with my posts, you are clearly aware of this). I'm not sure if I would regard this as "some big revelation," but I suppose this is just a general post for the last few months of life. I've known a lot of people who've needed to apologize, and a lot who just haven't, for specific occurrences. And not just to me, oh lord no, this post has nothing to do with me. But to their friends, to their loved ones, to themselves, mostly. I'm here to say the ones feeling guilty, the ones who feel incredibly sorry for reasons they just flat out shouldn't, no one or not one thing can or should make you feel remorseful for the things you didn't know, the things you did (or didn't) do, or for the way you've acted in a time of complete and utter loss or urgency. This is probably like a "duh" statement, but believe me... I think some of us, including my loved ones, have forgotten.
To the ones who were owed an apology and never received it, to the ones who felt guilty, to the ones who felt like everything was their fault, to the ones who went against everything they knew and took the blame, this one, my beautiful friends, is for you.
I think genetically speaking, my family is really good at wanting to take the blame for everything... ever. In arguments or disagreements with others, it's a moral code we follow to always assume it is our fault, our job to say sorry. And yeah, that's coming from probably the most stubborn member of that family.
I think it's important to remember that apologizing for what you cannot, and more importantly, should not be sorry for is not bold. It is not admirable. It is not praiseworthy. It is setting yourself up for an entirely different battle in which you will need to apologize to yourself for: the battle in which you do not allow another person to do their basic human duty and take the blame for what they should have, and the battle in which you don't allow this person to learn to be a decent, functioning member of society. And this doesn't produce healthy relationships. This doesn't produce resolutions. This produces hypocrites, this produces complications, and this produces weakness.
I like to look at life as a bunch of out-of-hole-digging. You'll have ruts that you'll find yourself in, that you'll find yourself & your partner in, that you'll find yourself and everyone on the same city block as you in. But no matter the happiness, no matter the struggles, we're all just kind of digging together. There's just a lot of digging going on. Eventually, you'll work yourself out of your hole, rut, quarter-life crisis, what have you. And things are just plain & simply okay again.
And if you dug alone, if you were one of those people who constantly (or do constantly) apologize, know that some others really did dig with you. And I'm here to tell you I was one of them.
To those who were in pain, who just needed someone to notice, who never felt like quite enough, it is with great love that I tell you you're not alone, you're much better off, and time is your friend.
Happy Sunday, Happy Easter, Happy eating, and Happy moving-right-along.
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got." -R. Brault
Your blog is amazing!! :)) Your words flow so well! You are a great writer who obviously has a passion for what they are writing about! It shows in your work! I would appreciate it if you would check out my blog and let me know what you think in a comment on a post you like! I would love to have a talented writers input! Keep up the great work!!! :))
ReplyDelete-Wanderlust Rach <3
Your blog is amazing!! :)) Your words flow so well! You are a great writer who obviously has a passion for what they are writing about! It shows in your work! I would appreciate it if you would check out my blog and let me know what you think in a comment on a post you like! I would love to have a talented writers input! Keep up the great work!!! :))
ReplyDelete-Wanderlust Rach <3