I Met Her Wearing A Crown

I've done pageants since I was 12.

I know, you're like, "oh, she's one of those girls." I'm actually probably the least-pageanty pageant girl to ever walk the planet. I don't enjoy getting ready, my humor is dry, and I'd pick sweatpants over a dress any day of the week. Oh, and March Madness is life. 

But when you're 12, can twirl a baton, throw on a dress and smile pretty, pageants are just what you do. I think a big misconception is that the girls who compete in said pageants are illiterate, inept, and uncoordinated.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I've twirled baton and danced since I was 5. It's what I love, it's challenging, and you can never perfect it, which I guess for some would be terrifying. And for me is addicting. When you participate in pageants within the Miss America Organization (MAO), a required element is a community service project, better known as a platform. My platform when I began competing addressed childhood obesity, and I loved it. I spoke at schools all across the counties I represented over the course of 5 years up until my attempts at becoming Jr. Miss Iowa and Miss Iowa's Outstanding Teen ended. I was first runner up to both state titles, so I'll have you know that pageants are single-handedly the most humbling experience of all time.

I decided to give it a whirl again. I think pageants are kind of like a drug. This Saturday, I'll walk across a stage in six inch heels, a bathing suit, an evening gown, participate in a 10 minute interview with the judging panel, and toss some batons around for my talent. But none of those are why I'm doing this. I'm doing this for that whole platform thingy I mentioned earlier. 

I figure by now it's probably about time to go ahead and let people know why I support what I support. My platform is entitled Take Back Our Campus: Sexual Assault Prevention & Education. When I was 15, I was sexually assaulted. It was hands down the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. But also, probably one of the better things. While it caused an immense amount of hurt, pain, foreboding, and uneasiness, I learned an incredible amount from the situation. I've learned that much like heartbreak, being in a situation like mine has given me the chance to help others. I've learned that I am much bigger than a heinous scenario I endured. I've learned to reach out to others who have experienced the same affair, because talking about it is the best medicine. 

My situation is not unique by any means. This kind of thing happens everyday, to normal people, at normal times, in normal places. The biggest misunderstanding about assault is that it can be prevented. People often have a complex in their minds that assault is something that just "happens." Well, friends, I've said something similar to this before and I will say it again: no one reserves the right to make you feel less, to make you feel unworthy, or to make you feel like it was your fault. In the event of sexual assault, my best advice would be to talk about it. It will be hard, it will be strenuous, it will hurt, and it will make you realize more about yourself than you ever thought possible. It will also liberate you, absolve you, and completely free you. And along the way, you might even be able to support someone else, which is quite literally the ultimate key to happiness. 

The women I compete alongside are beautiful, tenacious, driven, hopeful, and the most courageous people I have ever known. I admire each and every one of them for being vulnerable and (quite literally) allowing others to watch them grow. They're doing it with grace, beauty, poise, and all the confidence in the world... even if they have absolutely no idea what they're doing. These women get on up there, slap a smile on, and even if they fall (God forbid), keep that smile on, because to them, that fall was a building block. A building block in becoming who they want to be someday. A building block in becoming women who will do immeasurable amounts of good in this world. I wish I had words to describe my respect for my cohorts, but all I can really put down is that I look at these women in absolute awe. 

It should also be noted that I've met some of my nearest and dearest friends in a pageant setting. These scholarship programs (because yes, that's what they are) bring women together who would've never met otherwise, and the bonds formed are incredibly beautiful. Just two days ago, I got an e-mail from a girl who I competed with in Jr. Miss Iowa 2007. She still had my e-mail from our pageant days together, EIGHT years ago. She told me how she had admired my courage and maturity while going through a difficult time, and how the biggest flaw in our generation is our willingness to give up easily on things that are, in fact, worth giving some effort. I can't really put into words what I felt reading it. To put it simply, that was the biggest smile I've had on my face in a very long time. Joslyn, you are incredible. You have and always will continue to amaze me. Your soul is so, so wonderful. 

I guess what I am getting at though is that my hope is someday, we will live in a world where others aren't afraid to intervene when they know something is wrong, when they know something doesn't seem quite right. Alongside that, it's my hope we can live in an environment where the word "consent" is a part of each and every person's vocabulary. If you know someone who is battling something, not just assault, reach out. Provide hope. And know that if you are one of these people, you are not alone. You are deserving. And you are much better than you have felt or are feeling about yourself right now. 

Believe me, I've been there. 


http://rainnmakers.rainn.org/mgehlsen

"Life is hard enough without being around people that bring you down, and as much as you care, you can't destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful-you have every right to leave and create a safer place for yourself." -Daniell Koepke


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